How not to get invited back

Growing up, most of us learned how to be polite and gracious to other people. Pretty much everyone I know seems to have the basics down, especially when visiting in others’ homes. Yet, it still happens, so I am told, that some guests find ways to be annoying.

Here are some purely hypothetical situations in which a guest might ensure they won’t be invited back — specific examples from which we all might extrapolate general lessons.

For instance, someone who tends to carry a chip on their shoulder might do well to leave that chip in their car during the visit.

Another example that comes to mind is trash talking. Some people enjoy engaging in this banter. Some don’t. If the guest is the former, it’s probably a good idea to make sure the host isn’t the latter.

But what if it goes beyond banter, and value judgments enter in? Say you happen to mention, in casual dinner conversation, that you are a fan of a certain professional sports team. Then, the person you’ve welcomed into your home suddenly looks and sounds incredulous as they ask if you used to live where that team is based. The look turns to angry when you say, no, you just always liked the team.

As you redirect the conversation back to its original track, which others at the table seem to follow, that one person’s glare reminds you of the way an aging chihuahua looks just before attempting to bite. Not a good look for anyone, but especially a house guest. I suppose something like this could happen. I don’t know.

Or maybe someone comes into your home, sees a work of art and launches into an unsolicited explanation of it, implying you are clueless on the subject. Maybe they proclaim something that (they think) makes them sound learned, offering information that may not be well known to the general population, but which someone who owns the artwork likely would know. Such a pronouncement might be contrary to what most of us learned about manners from our parents.

That one may fall in the “shoulder chip” category, which brings to mind another tip. Say, the guest is from a different, though delightful area of our great nation. If they speak with a distinct, maybe even jarring accent, yet make fun of the way people speak in the area in which they are visiting, that can get tiresome. If they direct their ridicule at their host, they might not be hosted again in the future.

Or it could be that you take guests on a tour of your area. They might graciously relate some things you show them to similar sites where they live. Fair enough. Just trying to identify. But it might be over the line if they begin to go into such detail that it begins to sound as if they are guiding you through their stomping grounds rather than vice versa. I suppose it could even happen that you are showing them the campus of your alma mater, and they constantly redirect the focus of the conversation to a college in their town, maybe even without having any direct connection to it. That could take it to yet another level.

Sometimes guests mean well, bless their hearts, but don’t understand boundaries. I’ve heard of ones who see something in their host’s home that they somehow think needs their attention, maybe some adjustment or minor repair, and take it upon themselves to tackle the job — without a word of discussion with the host. If the offer is made, the host might welcome the help. On the other hand, you don’t mess with someone’s stuff without asking. And there may be some crucial background information of which the guest isn’t aware.

Just some general illustrations. You probably can imagine or maybe have witnessed others. Doing something similar to one or more of these for-instances could undercut our “pleases” and “thank yous.” A quote attributed to Ben Franklin says, “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.” Sometimes the fish may outlast the guests.